There are many definitions of health. Health is about taking care of your emotions, feelings of being sad, feelings of anger, learning to forgive and purging out what does not need to be in your heart anymore. It is about letting go, forgiving yourself, forgiving others and growing from your experiences. To know that we are all different and to accept those differences as long as they do not harm or take away freedoms.
This story is about a magical moment I had with my mom last Saturday November 2nd 2013. When, I became very ill about 11 years ago, it took some time to figure out what was making me sick. At that point the doctor and I also figured out, that, we were 98% positive my mom suffered from the same thing. My medical situation also helped me find forgiveness in my heart for my mom. Her medical issue was one of the big reason's she suffered mentally and physically for many years.
Had she listened to me about what to do with her health she would be alive today. I am 99% sure of this. But, because she did not listen, she became a lab rat with the western medical society, and they eventually killed her. To many pharmaceuticals and a terrible diet, strained her brain and body. This western medicine protocol put her on her spiritual journey to early in her life.
Before, I share my magical experience, I want to give you a brief history of my life with my mom. As a teen/young adult, I realized my mom was somewhat of a "Mommy Dearest". That term came to me from a movie I saw, that had Joan Crawford in it, as the leading actress. I do not remember much quality time with my mom. Then at one point she was a single Mom, trying to pay the bills, which led to leaving us alone to much. At the time it was the only choice she had.. She eventually married again.
For those of you who know me, you know that my mom and I had a terrible relationship. It was like putting two magnets together in opposite position. She was very controlling, manipulative, angry and at times very psychic. My mom's physic abilities led her to think she was 100% right. Something she never found balance with. There were times later in my teenage life and adult life she would blame me for being sneaky or bad, and at those times she was very wrong. My mom suffered with depression, she began habits of staying inside her house, curtains closed and did not have more than a handful of friends.
I always tried to work on forgiving my mom. Sometimes it took months or even a year of silence between us before I could let go of the bad that she had created between us. She had many terrible life experiences and I believe that is what created her very controlling personality.
Anything that I was interested in or wanted to do was never right for her. This never changed for her. Even at the age of 43, she was still disapproving of what I was doing in my life and how I was raising my kids. I was a rebel, a nature lover, I stood outside a box and this was heartbreaking for her.
Last time, I saw my mom, I was 43. I had flown down to the Bay Area to help her out. She was in the hospital again. She did not recognize my brother and I. During this time, I had found out that, before she ended up in the hospital she was trying to create problems in my life. It was at that moment, I told myself I would help her out and then never allow her back in my life. I was done. I was 43, and she still could not accept me or what I did in my life. However, I did decide to finish strong and help her until she was out of the hospital I did not want any regrets. I even stayed an extra week, she then, left the hospital to a temporary spot at a nursing home. Her memory came back and she was able recognize my brother and I. There was about a week or more at the nursing home and then she would be sent home.
The last words from her that I remember. My mom had only been at the nursing home for a few hours, her brain was waking up, I had asked her if she needed anything, she told me what ever it was, and then finished her sentence by saying to me "Sue you are getting fat". Yep, I was done..
I did it, I stayed there, loved her, pushed her in the wheel chair, smiled at her, catered to her until I left for home. I finished strong, I was exhausted from my own illness. Being on planes, staying at hospitals and nursing homes all day left me with three months of recovery.
There are just some things in your life, no matter how much you love them, that you just have to let go. It was time to let go of the abuse.
Several months passed and I had not talked to her since seeing her at the nursing home. I received a call from my brother to tell me she had passed away. I am thankful that she was able to pass in the comfort of her own home.
It has been about 4 years since she died.
Special note, besides forgiving it is important to remember the good things:
I know my mom loved me, I know she thought she was doing her best, she loved animals more than anyone I know, SHE LOVED OWLS, her favorite color was red, she taught me the importance of good posture and buying good shoes. I did have a brief two year period that she was a different person. I will hold on to this period in my heart forever. My mom also worked on a project for years, because she wanted to leave my brother and I with something. She knew it would produce again someday, and I am very grateful for this. Because of this we have new shoes. Thank you, Mom
This past Saturday was November 2nd, I realized after being up for a few hours it was my mom's birthday.
The sequence of events that happened on this day, still choke me up, tears well up in my eyes and I get a lump in my throat. It was a beautiful moment I will cherish forever in my heart.
My husband called from our business, to let me know that I had received my special envelope from my moms project. Wow, that was awesome. Arrived on her birthday...
I had tea with my daughter and then headed up the mountain with my dogs. It was time for our exercise and I needed to clear my head of all the businesses. As we were walking up, I was talking out loud, asking questions, I was seeking advice from God, my inner voice, my intuition.
I was about half way up and I noticed something big fly from the tree in front of me onto an oak. At first I thought it was a big hawk. I walked slowly and quietly to where I could see it. It was an Great Horned Owl. At that moment I realized again, it was my Mom's birthday, and on her birthday I received my special envelope and I was eye to eye with a Great Horned Owl ( during daylight), which was her favorite bird.
We looked into each others eye's, It was my mom, this magical moment was for both of us, I cried, and I could feel she would be gone in a few moments. The silence between us was broken for the last time, here was my opportunity to speak with her again. I told her that I loved her and sorry it did not work out between us and to stay on the path for her next journey,. Seeing me was her map to stay on her path for that next journey. I wanted to hold on to this moment longer, but it was time for her to go. The Great Horned Owl, jump higher up the oak. When it turned back to look at me she was gone. The eyes had changed. My inner voice, told me it was time to move on, head up the mountain and continue on my path.
I walked up the mountain choking back tears, and I could barely take a breath.
As I headed down I stopped to look up at the Oak, no Great Horned Owl.
This moment will be in my heart forever. I feel so blessed to have had this magical experience between my mom's spirit and I.
It is important that we open our minds, bodies, hearts and spirit to listen, to listen to God, to your inner voice, to your intuition and to spirit. Important messages come through in many ways, things are there, but you don't see them or hear them, sometimes "there" is a brief whisper and if the noise is to loud around you, the message will slip by. Your heart feels messages through seeing it with your own eyes, no words out loud, just silently being sent.
It is important to turn screens off, TV off, cell phones off, to help your inner spirit grow.
The mystery of magic came to me with it's silent wisdom. Wisdom, that I did not hear words but saw in the eyes. Divine Timing of The Owl In The Oak Tree, gives a message to me, That message is, Oaks are reminders to draw up your strength and courage, walk through doors that open, and learn from the doors that shut.
I now have closure... I love you Mom...
Celebrating life, death and rebirth, tea with my daughter, in cups of red, in remembrance of my mom, celebrating her new spiritual journey and mine.
Today, can you think of anything that has been locked up inside your heart, that needs to be purged out? You can eat all the organic food you can, to be healthy, but you also need to take care of the emotions that affect you negatively inside your heart.
